August 06, 2006

...Tomorrow, the World

Someone in Stravaraland has prepared a little handbook, confidentially entitled "strategies to bamboozle the faithful". Of this, I am convinced. The manual must list, in bullet-point form, catch-phrases, one-liners and an assortment of musings and retorts. Nothing too complicated, I'm sure, but verging on the delusional. The people love it, Phileleftheros reproduces the snippets (their copy is tucked away in a cubby hidden by a portrait of Makarios) and before you know it, a truth is born.

Big Truths require the Supreme Ruler of Stravaraland (I Panayia na ton shepei) to address the nation - crying like a girly, optional. Smaller ones of a certain gravitas, however, can be delivered by Da Man hisself to the media at Larnaca airport - bleary eyed and in a state of scotch lag as an option.

Smaller ones sometimes involve the island nation saving some patch of the planet and can be delivered by cabinet members or the sombre government spokesman.

The latest theme involves Lebanon. Georges de Lillique et des Outres Meres already has a peace plan he intends to propose, according to Simerini, the implementation of which we'll have to wait and admire.

Now, the goons up at the Presidential barn tell us that we may or may not get into the peacekeeping racket. That's right; maybe yes, maybe no.

This, from the Cyprus Mail:

"...Cyprus will decide whether or not it will participate in a peacekeeping force for Lebanon if and when the UN decides to establish such a force and asks Cyprus to contribute, government spokesman Christodoulos Pashardis said [Friday]"

Eeee sigaaa re Pashardi (liberal translation: "Easy there, tiger"). But, hey, he did say if and when. If only we had a singe journalist on the island with the lucidity to keep asking on a daily basis whether such a request has been made yet.

As we have surreptitiously scored a copy of the bamboozling manual we'd like to give you a sneak preview:

Stravaraland will consider participating in the European Space Agency's efforts to launch a manned expedition to Uranus. (please, no proctologist jokes).

Stravaraland - if asked - may consider military intervention if things in Venezuela get out of hand.

Stravaraland could be partial to installing an interim government in Cuba if Castro kicks the bucket. After all, it's not far from Venezuela and seeing as CNN has employed Fidel's estranged daughter, somebody will have to take stock of the situation.

In the meantime, please bear in mind that if you cross over to the pseudonorth of the island, you are to refrain from bringing back smokes by the carton load (or livestock, for that matter) until such time as Famagusta is jointly administered by the two communities on the island.

If you play it backwards, I'm sure it says that Joey Ramone is alive


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Send the National Guard to Lebanon! Yeah!!! Gamoto re ppezevengiyes sto gamimeno to proedriko. Efallarete tellia re tourkospori malakes. Ma pion peripezete re gaourospori?? Pios ise re malaka pashardi je mishimou enna pame je livano. Pios mas rotise re hlehle-malaka-yie tis orospas. Ma intalos peripezoun ton kosmo i poushtopezevengiyes re gamota.


07 August, 2006 11:33  
Blogger Noullis said...

Now, now, my dear anonymous friend. Firs of all if you want to xetimasize some malakes you must be fair and at least provide a pseudonym, giving the (preferable) option to the accused of responding.

Just because they are idiots does not mean they cannot have a go at defending themselves.

One [wo]man - one vote - one appointment.

I think your problem is probably that you would not be incuded in CyPeKeForLe (Cyprus Peacekeeping Force in Lebanon) and are merely pissed off.

Unlike the malakes at the Proedrique who are simply pissed.

Please try to refrain from name-calling in the future.

Crap, I'm feeling thirsty.

08 August, 2006 10:16  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

en pa nagamithis je esi re malak, traoulle, yie tis pashopouttas

08 August, 2006 11:05  
Blogger Noullis said...

Tres chic, monsieur...tres chic. Anonymous is hereby banned by Imperial, oooops, I meant presidential, decree.

Piyenne, gie mou tziai pkie ka'nan vinegar and soda

Ate na doumen A!

08 August, 2006 11:07  

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