Navel Patrols [Oil for dorks programme]

How many children with ADD does it take to run a newspaper? Do the parents know what they're up to?

Phileleftheros has decided (or perhaps asked to decide) to flog a horse to death and then flog it some more. The subject is the latest national obsession: Oil. The obsession is multi-faceted and manages to bring out the schizophrenic core of the average Stravaralander. Until this whole Panayiri about our oil began, my favourite was sweet piece of graffiti on a Lukoil station that read 'No More Blood for Oil'. Yes, well, we may occasionally throw Russian mothers off the island but I doubt if Russian oil companies have anything to do with the war in Iraq. But, as Pikifrinos would say, I digress. Others, however regress; to childhood and all the mental disturbances associated with that tender age.

As the Idiot Moufflon pointed out, Stravaraland is a country that can barely manage to trademark halloumi, let alone play a grown-up role in the world of oil exploration. We've gone past our yearning to be recognised by Turkey and are now threatening their naval forces.

So, the newspaper quotes a Turkish TV news network about Turkish naval patrols off the coast of Stravaraland. Chris Pash calls the item inaccurate, as does Theodoros Roussopoulos, the Hellenic government spokesman. And then, out of the blue (so to speak) we have the acting permanent secretary of Stravaraland's Ministry of Foreign Affairs (so, he's married is he?), Alexandros Zenon stating that "The government is watching the situation closely, in co-operation with the National Guard, and it will act accordingly, if our territorial waters are violated."

And how, pray tell, are we going to act? Are we going to bring out those Silkworms? Are we going to finally borrow and use our S300 missiles to pre-emptively take out their air force?Are we going to react with equal force or with more than equal force? Does it mean with or without collateral damage? Are we going to throw wreckage of our air force at them or simply rely on a small number of post-pubescent boys with painted faces in a rubber dinghy?