January 30, 2007

Tommy 2.0 Has a Dream

Dear Stravaralanders,

Last night I had a dream. Walking up the hills of Pafos, along the paths of our land, the paths that lead to freedom, right near Panayia, Makarios came to find me. He spoke to me in a soothing and etnarch-y voice: "tough is the struggle, and tougher are the enemies, and even tougher are the foreign-bastard enemies, but I trust that you will Deliver our People. Trust me, now, and follow in my footsteps. Tomorrow morning you will know what it is you'll need to do".

When I woke up this morning, I found in my hand the following letter, written in red ink, and instructing me to do the following:
1. Sell all the Church Land and Enterprises and use the proceeds to make a public offer in cash for Marfin Laiki, Bank of Cyprus and Piraeus and name the resulting entity: The Holy, Popular, Bank of Cyprus, (HPBC).

2. Some foreigners could be allowed in management but control will always reside with the major shareholder, the Archbishop of Cyprus.

3. Create a new company, called CP (Cyprus Petroleum) that will start the process of acquiring the necessary know-how to exploit petroleum reserves that belong to Orthodox Stravaraland.

4. Lobby the President to make sure that CP gets exclusive rights to all petroleum fields that the Land possesses.

5. Appoint Kyrineias Pavlos as headmaster of a new Secret School that will (by moonlight, so as not to be seen by the infidels and to preserve our traditions) teach all our youngsters that the Perennial Struggle has to continue till victory and vindication is assured. All Greek Orthodox youngsters under the age of 12 will be obliged to attend the School that will be held every Saturday and Sunday from 6 to 12 pm, that way our youngsters will also remain free of all impure distractions and wanton fornication (pets included).

6. Lobby the President so that after this brief spell, Kyrineias Pavlos becomes minister of education. We need to teach young Cypriots a thing or two about where they came from and where they are headed (our version - batteries not included).

7. With our own banks, our petroleum and our education, the sky is the limit. This was your dream and now you have to work tirelessly to make it come true. Anyone who stands in your way is a traitor and should be treated as such. In 2004 you did a good job but you did not manage to eradicate all of them from the face of the earth. You now need to finish the job.

My Blessings be with You!
On a mission from the Original Ethnarch,
I remain,
Pompously and meddlingly yours,

Tommy 2.0 (stable)

originally posted by Apodimos Kypreos

5 Comments:

Anonymous m said...

Was this before or after the nightmare he saw that the giant statue of Makarios in front of the archibishop's "palace" came to life and climbed up the Laiki building like godzilla?

30 January, 2007 12:19  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apodime - eise pragmati enas kathigitis ! Ekamnen sou mathimata thriskevtikon o Kyrineias Pavlos otan isoun mitsis?

30 January, 2007 13:15  
Blogger zappa said...

next time tommys has a dream , I think he should shut the holy bazoomies up and leave us in peace.
seriously.
He is a threat to my mental health

30 January, 2007 18:07  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From all the English School students in the 80's when Kyrinias Pavlos was RI teacher and head of Orthodox (Taliban) Propaganda... we salute the idea of a secret school. Our children have the right to be entertained the way we were back in the eighties by the one and only Moullah Pavlos of Kyrinia.

31 January, 2007 12:46  
Blogger Apodimos Kypreos said...

Problem is, this time around, your children will not be just holding a ruler and underline stuff to learn by heart for the RI test. They will each get a stick, a radio tuned to Radio Proto's Taliban morning tunes and instructions to come home and beat their parents up for not paying enough attention when these parents were young...

31 January, 2007 13:18  

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