Six Fives

OK, who started this 'five things about me' stuff out there? Was it part of a chain letter, a chain-link fence, chain mail or a long legged nun with a cigarette holder? All I know is that the ball somehow landed in our grubby court, as the task was also assigned to us by the venerable Drakouna.

As we like to be difficult, however, what we're going to do is not present a list of five things about us Stravalanders but a few things about our precious homeland, instead. We will speak up even if this means we are to sacrifice ourselves. Instead, therefore, of the 'five things about us' we hereby present Six sets of Five. It's a derivative of Shesh-Besh or a variation inspired by two packets of Three Fives (bought in the North, so as to save money with which to make social security contributions). Take it whichever way you will.

Our Five favourite presidents of Stravaraland (in alphabetical order):

1. Makarios 3.0 (Ethanrch Prototype - chain smoker)
2. Spyros "The Magnificent".
3. George "The Decent" - still has to atone for the Lillikas phenomenon.

4. Glafcos "The Missile turned Euro".
5. TeePee "The Brain turned Saviour turned Sheikh".

Our Five favourite Souvlakia in Republican Nicosia served at:

1. Theodoros
2. Leventis
3. Costas Grill House
4. Orfeas
5. Plato's

Five favourite places to stage a demonstration on July 20:

1. Athens at any Vissi gig. We will demonstrate on the beaches - we will demonstrate on the streets. If she's sold out any dogarium will do.
2. Any Casino in [geographical] Northern Stravaraland.
3. Latsi. (where only the well-connected get fresh fish)
4. Anywhere in London while on a shopping spree.
5. During any Protaras Beach Party.

Five convenient ways to solve the Cyprus problem:

1. Hard Divorce.
2. Velvet Divorce with a view to Re-engage.
3. Divorce for land.
4. Divorce for dignity.
5. Unite for Peace (a.k.a. Oil for Peace)

Five best ways to rewrite Stravaraland history books:

1. Translate conflict.net
2. Introduce the History Textbook taught in Tommy 2.0's Secret Schools.
3. Ask Father Paul to write his version.
4. Ask Rikkos and Koutsou to write their version.
5. Combine points 2 and 4 above.

Five effective ways to make the turkish army leave Cyprus:

1. Call upon the Turkish Cypriots to serve in the Stravaraland army.
2. If they don't show up, arrest them when they next cross the line or get an EU warrant for their arrest.
3. Unilaterally disband the Army and use the permanent staff as traffic policemen and the drunk-patrols.
4. Unilaterally disarm and keep only a civilian army.
5. Unilaterally reduce military service to one year (for males and females alike).

So the presidents are not listed alphabetically. So what?