Cyprus Whipping Authority

I've listened carefully to Stravaraland's leaders and I must admit that at first I was gripped by fear. And these leaders and their representatives tell us that this Kasoulides man is going to start punishing people if he's elected president. At first I thought only those who voted NO! during the infamous referendum would be the ones whipped and slapped around. But, having repeatedly listened to the recording of the presidential candidate's speech, I realise that all will be treated equally.

Not only has this allayed my fears but prompted me to update my C.V. and wait patiently for the outcome of the presidential elections next February.

I figure that if all will be treated equally then a brand [spanking] new government department will have to be set up - probably under the auspices of the police force. Employees will be issued with whips and bats and sent out to start punishing all those who voted either way during the referendum.

Think of all the new jobs that'll be created in order to cope with the heavy load. Think of how brilliant it'll be to have a job for life while whipping the crap out of people without the danger of recrimination. It's also a great way of keeping fit, as I'm sure most people will try to run and hide when the new breed of xylocops appear on the streets of Stravaraland.

I want a job at the Cyprus Whipping Authority as soon as it's set up. If I can get assurances as to my employment, I know which way I'll vote.