June 28, 2007

Don't Mention the War

The Vassilis Palmas Stab at Journalism by an Overpaid Civil Servant Award of the Day goes to the brilliant little story from which we quote:
"...President Papadopoulos introduced the members of the Cypriot delegation to Mr.Mesic and the Croatian president introduced members of his delegation to President Papadopoulos

Subsequently, the two leaders entered the presidential palace, at the entrance of which a red carpet had been laid"
The entire fascinating story can be relished here.

What the CNA story does not tell us is whether anyone mentioned Milosevic, money laundering , or critical thought.

June 27, 2007

Cyprus Cultural Studies

You may now take the exam for the Intermediate Certificate in Cypriot Cultural Studies here. The educational establishment ought to thank Demetris for his efforts in compiling this exam.

On his part, Demetris thanks
"trusted friends and research colleagues, and their teams, who have made this first paper for the intrmediate diploma in cypriot cultural studies possible. This was not my job alone but the product of a well organised international, transdisciplinary group effort."
We, in turn, hail such efforts of synergy and synthesis - of which the general lack has not yet been commented upon by any of Stravaraland's government officials.

In the meantime you may wish to participate in our own Critical Thought poll. The Teepe Poll may or may not return, seeing as the general consensus was that he is quite unique.

June 26, 2007

Unveiling Solutions

¬°Buena Onda!


Chilean Ambassador, Sofia Prats, presents Jimmy with what he hopes is a tray of empanadas.

Ed, You Cajun!!

Akis Cleanthous is an educational minister in the stravaraland (in picture above, not waering glasses). Mastre Akis is very confounded by the national high skool graduates exams and his+her resulting grade of 8 from the 20 in field of modern Grik! "no", he say, "no LOL, or :p) or hahahaha..."

Mastre Akis he is very dumbfundled and perspexed.

He is say that kidz who is many hours on Internet [ftou!] and SMSing[ftou!] WTF they want, they iz not making some critical Thought in their hed and soul.

40% average grade. Panayia mou, en antrapiken o shillos je empiken mes ton kafenen!

But he is already solvent the problem by explaining to the press that the problem is the lack of critical thought. Very appropri8 odience.

Maybe there is problem with kidz who spend time in skool not being encarriage to devlop Critical Thought, dude! Maybe this CT is frowned upon. CT could cause incumbent no re-elected.

Anyways the skool needs kids for teacher he+she make some salary and then make sunbathing. Is no plaice for lurning. Lurning is after school from private detective companies or something like that.

Dude, in the culture of the Stravaraland we have:
1. Teacher God and student obedient mortal
2. All Grik stuff correct and foreign peuples in finijes and no clothes
3. Word diavazo mean read + study. No seprashn of State + Chrch
4. Edukashn for later go university and get job in 'civil' service
Also mastre Akis he say that this problem of childs expressing starts from this lack of CT and is linked on fucktional illitirisy.

Go Aki, GO!!!

June 22, 2007

Meninorange

The new airport in Paphos will be operational at the end of 2008. It'll be new, shiny, modern and very European. We're talking 18,000 square metres of European airport, enough parking space to accommodate 760 cars, 36 buses and 84 taxis. It will, according to the man in the beard, serve as a significant improvement of Stravaraland's infrastructure as well as giving Paphos an additional advantage as a tourist destination.

Minor outstanding isssues: Public transportation and the Helios case.

June 21, 2007

Refugee Problem and Some Solutions

To those of you growing up in Limassol and Pafos in the 1980s, that have grown up with the comment, "All these refugees were rich, I have never met one who was poor", I have to tell you that they might not have been rich, but they were a lot richer than the average person in Limassol or Pafos until 1974.

Now, in 2007, with the realization among all that the Denktas two-state solution is fast gaining ground, the refugees have realized that maybe they should not be shouldering the burden of the 1974 disaster on their own.

What is to be done? Well, there is, at least one, solution. Land and house prices have gone through the roof in the last 10 years based on the limited supply of land, growth and increased immigration in Stravaraland. The despondent refugees (most of them anyway) and their children had to bear not only the burden from losing their land in 1974, but the additional cost of having to buy at higher prices from the non-refugees. And the prices are driven higher by the limited supply of land caused by the occupation of the North, and the added demand from refugees, their children, immigrants and rich retirees from Europe.

What is the solution to alleviate the problem of the refugees? It is not the current policy of giving low interest loans to them to further increase prices.

The solution is: introduce a capital gains tax at 40% from selling property or land. Half of all the proceeds from this tax go to The Refugee Fund. Any refugee can get shares to this fund and can do what they want with them, after an initial period of time (say 2 years). The allocation of shares will be means-tested, both back in time (ie in 1974) and now (ie 2007), but this will be a special means-tested type of deal. Only the poor refugees now, who were rich in 1974 will be allocated shares. Once you are approved (rich then, poor now), your total share allocation will be determined based on the amount of property you lost in 1974.

I can go into the advantages or disadvantages of this proposal, the details of it, but I think this is a reasonable way to go forward, something that should have been done at around 1980, a few years after the invasion when it had become clear that no solution was in sight. The current government might not have the courage to initiate such a discussion, but I do hope some refugees somewhere in Stravaraland are reading this blog, and they might take the idea to heart.

June 19, 2007

Athens-Backed?

Whoa, there, what's all this about The Times describing the Republic of Cyprus as Athens Backed? What is the High Commissioner in London going to do about the said mention in paragraph 2 of this little article?

And what's with The Argus putting the word occupied in quotes in this article?

What sort of foreign policy are we conducting here? How informed is this Times hack? How can Cherie Booth get away with referring to the TRNC in print? Time to send Lillikas to London maybe? Time to get our head waiter in London to cancel all reservations at Shistris Tavern?

"Dear Kurt...."

Spot the Inmate


Jimmy inaugurated an exhibit of criminal art. Paintings by prison inmates, exhibited at the House of Representatives.

June 15, 2007

Cyprus Whipping Authority

I've listened carefully to Stravaraland's leaders and I must admit that at first I was gripped by fear. And these leaders and their representatives tell us that this Kasoulides man is going to start punishing people if he's elected president. At first I thought only those who voted NO! during the infamous referendum would be the ones whipped and slapped around. But, having repeatedly listened to the recording of the presidential candidate's speech, I realise that all will be treated equally.

Not only has this allayed my fears but prompted me to update my C.V. and wait patiently for the outcome of the presidential elections next February.

I figure that if all will be treated equally then a brand [spanking] new government department will have to be set up - probably under the auspices of the police force. Employees will be issued with whips and bats and sent out to start punishing all those who voted either way during the referendum.

Think of all the new jobs that'll be created in order to cope with the heavy load. Think of how brilliant it'll be to have a job for life while whipping the crap out of people without the danger of recrimination. It's also a great way of keeping fit, as I'm sure most people will try to run and hide when the new breed of xylocops appear on the streets of Stravaraland.

I want a job at the Cyprus Whipping Authority as soon as it's set up. If I can get assurances as to my employment, I know which way I'll vote.

The Devil Wears Flip Flops

I don't know if it was Mary or not, but somebody had a little lamb which appeared on CyBC on Thursday Night to give Ioannis Kasoulides the third degree.

Yiannakis Kareklas went all coy and started nervously doing that hand-wringing thing that he does so well while meekly asking for Kasoulides' indulgence: "Yes... you see... I may well be playing the role of the Devil's Advocate tonight...," he blurbed, while still managing to cut a dashing figure before embarking on a stellar journalistic performance that made Ed Murrow look like a smurf.

His statement, however, does beg the question whether Kareklas was implying that Papadopoulos is, in fact, the devil? Just curious.

At any rate, the questions were nothing more than a rehashed digest of the day's rantings and ravings from the likes of Andros Kyprianou - although, in all fairness, it ought to be noted that not once did he mention what his daughter thought of the presidential candidate - and the rest of the loony fringe in power. I still don't get the 'neo-liberal' label, though. Is that some sort of anti-neo-con or is it something that makes the fascist left cringe in this rather large village where land is rapidly running out?

Kudos to Kasoulides for mentioning the state's biggest cash cow that brings home over a billion bananas: the odious Land Registry Department. Yep, that's why the state can say "screw tourism, we can make a billion a year by ripping off the suckers that voted us to absolute power."

Kareklas is happy, though, as he may not mind the prospect of the spanking he'd get if the neo liberal is voted president.

Yep, according to the scare-mongering brigades in this village-island state , Kasoulides will spank all those who voted NO during the mother of all refrenda if elected to office. Talk about flogging a dead plan, while at the same time proving that a village is, at times, merely a manifestation of mass psychosis. Whoa, dudes, your clocks seem to have stopped. Get winding and get moving.

Of course I'm sure the regime also plans to use the old 'flip flop' accusation which would be hillarious, in view of the fact that the biggest flip flopping was exercised by Jimmy the Sheftali, whose party props up the current regime. The difference here seems to be that Kasoulides does have a plan and that the nefarious neo-liberal label is contradicted by the wobbly 'far-right-backed' slogan. All this, in addition to some of the gems uttered today by the likes of Curious George who somehow implied that anyone who voted Yes during the evil referendum should be excluded from the race. Eeelaaaa Peppo mou! scream the frustrated punters as the dead plan is flogged once more.

I'm sure the mudslinging will get more interesting but I doubt whether the incumbent's troops will exhibit either the necessary patience or resourcefulness to dig up decent quality mud. They are, after all, standing in a mixture of the good stuff and unprocessed waste. Knee deep, with sticky fingers outstretched.

And, as the Republicans have so successfully managed in the United States, the current regime will do its best to captalise on the climate of fear, paranoia and denial.

The programme ended with Kareklas saying "Good night and good luck". Or at least I think that's what he said.

June 14, 2007

The Refugee Problem

As an apodimos refugee I have solved my problem by recognizing that I will not be offered anything by the government and I have long ago asked for refugee asylum in the land of the Demon.

But I cannot but hope now that Phil has a new inspired View. The View is wondering where is the help the state has given to the Refugees. On 14th June 2007, 33 years after the invasion, three years and three months after the Great Patriotic Referendum that would have made the return of half the refugees a credible reality, the official status quo newspaper of Stravaraland is asking what the state has done for The Refugees, lately (or is it ever?).

Refugees of Bananaland, especially those that voted No in The Great Patriotic Referendum, I salute your patience. I salute your unending optimism, and look forward to see your reaction when Famagusta will open its doors to accept the first guests. I just hope those guests do not come from Anatolia...

Contribute at Your Pleasure

At last, a candidacy is announced for the 2008 Imperial Elections in Stravaraland. In all fairness, we ask of you wiki eperts out there to make a little contributions to the incumbent's official entry as well.

AKEL is still downloading its rather large decision over a dial-up connection.

Now, where did that fax machine go?

June 13, 2007

Alive and Well

June 11, 2007

Changing the World...

|*| N.B. First clip now loads again - afte a bad 'private' message from YouTube

... a taxi driver...


... at a time

June 09, 2007

Incognito in Europe

What would Saturdays be without a copy of Phileleftheros? Please, it's a rhetorical question. The rag occasionally sheds light on what the Last of the Mohicans are up to as well as reflecting national neuroses - or planting the seeds of subsequent ones straight from the patriotic research labs.

As the election campaign heats up with not a single official candidate in sight, we are given clues as to what neuroses will be exploited to get the faithful to vote as they're told. Being told is something that AKEL-ites take to very well indeed. Let's not forget that Stravaraland's Stalinist party - much like Al Qaeda - functions on a cell-system. But in order to make them believe they're voting one way or another for a good cause they need to be fed tasty garbage.

Garbage flavour: The flogged-to-death 'Yes' vs 'No' vote during the referendum argument. The implication building up at the moment is that heroic 'No' voters are gradually being victimised - a natural progression from being misunderstood and subsequently punished. The psychological effect is not unlike that of the masochist who takes a cold shower because he hates it. As Phileleftheros points out in a front page article today, there is a distinct danger of the pseudo-compensation committee in the pseudo-north being 'recognised' by the European Court of Human Rights. What the average voter does not see is this recognition, if it comes about, would merely be as a result of a national own goal. It's all part of the European Solution, peckerheads!

Is compensation not part of our demands when we redress the ECHR? Was compensation not part of our vindication? Was compensation not an essesntial material in paving the righteous path that runs up and down our moral high ground? Was Cyprus not recognised in 1960? Are we afraid we'll start getting de-recognised? Is the world against us? Does the argument that female porn stars have very small hands to make the male organ look much bigger than it actually is not hold anymore?

But screw getting all annoyed with the politicians who pander to the brain dead, Phileleftheros also offers a highly entertaining piece on the 250 Andreas Constantinou-s who are not allowed to cross to the pseudo-north. The piece is punctuated with some hillarious examples of how one can go about getting pseudo-blacklisted.

Is it not peculiar that the 3 people who hate the world liberal are Bush, Putin and TeePee?

June 08, 2007

Dog Beach

here's a cute BBC story on YouTube

June 06, 2007

Lost In Translation?

June 05, 2007

Photis Strikes Again

Photis Photiou, Stravaraland's illustrious Minister of Agriculture, former freedom fighter and the man who brought us the ridiculous pseudo-pseudo potato farce has now decided to bring to our attention a new and even more sinister plot hatched in the [geographic] pseudo-north. The flavour of the month is... Genetically Modified crops or food or plain old Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs).

As always, though, PhotiPhoti was careful not to divulge any details as to what exactly is being grown in the pseudo geographic north. Perhaps it is merely supplied through the pseudonorth. I suppose we need to be patient and give him and his fertile imagination a bit of time to dream up more details before alerting our own pseudo-press.

The shocking news, however, may explain a lot, as people have recently sighted an extraordinary number of rice paddies cropping up in the north, yielding tons of golden rice. This would also explain Turkey's eagerness to build a water pipeline, as reported by the mother of all rags, Phileleftheros, recently.

So, let's be vigilant and very very careful. Thanks, Photi

Hungry?

It's interesting to see and hear - via the so-called media in Stravaraland - matters pertaining to EU subsidies. Yes, of course, CyBC is doing its best to inform the population on the number and variety of money being thrown our way. Yes, it's great that we'll all prosper (in good time) and be part of the nouveau-euro-nouveau-riches. We'll be swimming in it and laughing all the way to the bank (unless of course the bank is stupid enough to employ EU nationals).

If you believe this, though, you'll believe anything. The truth of the matter is that the average citizen of Stravaraland is not aware of subsidies and opportunities because there is a pecking order in place. Remember which families benefited from the sale of each Airbus Cyprus Airways ever bought? 'Nuff said?

And the Last of the 55-59 Mohicans and the modern patriots of the land are all hungry and sticky-fingered.

For all the racist allusions we hear regarding Africa, Cyprus has become the modern day Zimbabwe of the EU with a leader sporting a moustache to boot. Expect to see more Mercs on the road.

Details as to who is embezzling from what fund will soon be made public. In the meanwhile though, I'd like to know what people have to say regarding the hilarious statement Nicholas (tou Tassou) Papadopoulos made on CyBC regarding his dad's possible candidacy in next year's presidential elections. To paraphrase:
"what sort of message would we be sending the world if the man who turned down the Annan plan were not to stand for president?"
Gimme a break, peckerhead!

June 01, 2007

Multiple Choice Question

A day after the 2004 Great Patriotic Referendum, TeePee and The Gang, thought they should take advantage of so many foreign journalists being on the island and called a press conference for the international press to explain the government's position. Specifically, TeePee wanted to explain how the No vote on the G/C part was a rational response to an unfair plan.

One of the journalists asked whether the climate in the upcoming EU meeting (the first for Stravaraland) would be a bit cold for him. The response of the President of Stravaraland was one (but not both) of the two following options:

1) I did what I felt was right for my country. Whether other countries like that or not does not matter, since my main concern and duty lies with the G/C electorate.

2) What do you mean the climate will be cold? The waiter will come around and not serve me?

What do you think the correct answer to this historical trivia question is?